The Rips

Well its time to share another little disaster from my tales of madness.
The incident you are about to read about is entirely true in every single respect. There is no exaggeration anywhere, as any would be pointless.......

About four years ago I was contracting to a large insurance firm in their IT department in City Centre Dublin. Dawson Street as it happens for those who wish to guess what the firm is...

Anyway, My Boss, Harry for the sake of this account, has asked me to go to Server Room Two and repatch some of the panels as the cables were in an awful state. After about an hour on the job alone in the server room I start to get a little bored and so decide to go get a cup of coffee. I at this point begin to untangle myself from the cables around my feet and in the process turn around in order to make my exit from the room. Unfortunately untangling myself suddenly becomes a problem as my foot slips through a gap in the floor. I instantly realised my foot was jammed and so I bent down to attempt to free my foot. This is where things got SORE. During the action of bending down my bum extends towards the patch panel behind me and catches a very large sharp edge to the poorly finished panel. It totally impales my rear end and I let out a yelp. I immediately pulled myself of the metal spike and in the same movement tripped on a cable and fell to the floor, thankfully freeing my foot in the process. My problem now is that my bum is pouring blood at an ever increasing rate and by trousers are ripped through at the back. Not Good.

As this calamity unfolded, My boss Harry hears the commotion as he is passing the server room and immediately enters the room only to find me gathering myself together while trying to stop the blood flow. He walks over to me and as he stands beside me he has a total laughing fit, and I mean hysterics as I revealed the disaster that had occurred moments before. In his laughter he bends over double and IMPALES HIMSELF ON THE SAME SPIKE! He too lets out a yelp, lifts himself off the spike, and attempts to stop the torrent of blood flow from his rear! At this point terror enters his eyes! I am immediately asked if I take drugs, or have AIDs etc. He was somewhat massively relieved to hear that I had never touched any drugs and was carrying no STDs etc :)

However this story is only half over. We now had to figure out what to do. We realised we had to make our way to the first aid room. We literally legged it out of the server room, blood gushing to the first aid room. What other employees thought of us as we rushed down the corridor clutching our collective bleeding asses I'll never know, but people kept strangely silent. I think fear and shock may have been the prevailing emotion. After running down 3 corridors, and catching the elevator we made it to the first aid room and applied bandages to our behinds. Thankfully we managed our own :) After the gushing was got under control, my boss and I took a joint trip to Marks and Spencer to buy new trousers, wearing jackets around our waists on the way in order to cover our lacking trousers.
We were happy now that nothing else could go wrong, only to find when we returned back to the office that the security guard had got it all on tape and had already shown our corridor dash to several staff members. I have never and will never live this down :)