This post and all others have been moved to this sites new home on www.peterneill.eu
Those of you who read my past post on the subject will know that I have an unusual ability to get myself into the most insane of situations. Well there are many many more, so heres another one:
The Ketchup Beans......
OK Picture this, Im living in a rented house in Dublin with a few friends. It's a Monday morning and I am in the kitchen with reuben - (www.comedywithoutwords.com) and Mike getting breakfast. Anyway somehow we start up a discussion of the best way to get ketchup out of one of those Akward Heinz bottles. Various options are suggested and then I bring to the table the option I believe to be most suitable - Centrifugal Force.
My suggestion is greeted with a mix of both concern and terror. At this point I decided a demonstration was in order, so I had a look in the cupboards for a ketchup bottle. I failed to find the aforementioned article, but I did find a tin of baked beans. In a short moment of what I assumed was logic, I considered this the perfect stand-in for the ketchup bottle. I proceeded to hold the tin at arms length while standing at one side of the kitchen. I started to swing my arm in a large circle in order to demonstrate how one might encourage ketchup towards the lid of a bottle when held with lid facing the outside of the circle.
At this point reuben and Mike are standing at the other side of the kitchen leaning against the kitchen counter with pieces of toast in their hands.
In order to get a little closer to them so that they could "see" better, I decided to move toward the middle of the kitchen whilst still swinging the beans in glee. Wrong move. As I took a step forward, my tin of beans, hand and arm entered a dome of lights above my head with a shattering crash. Reuben and Mike are instantly attacked by a massive swarm of glass shards, the lights above my head are vapourised and much of the fallout lands on their toast while it is entering their mouths. I am at this point in a state of panic, examining my wrist to see how quickly I'm going to die, to my relief no cuts were to be found!!
Mike and Reuben were OK too, however Mike spent the next five days convinced he could feel glass in his throat.
Alls well that ends well :)
In my next installment of "A History of Calamity" I shall help you understand the importance of not accidently kissing a general when you are introduced to him, especially if you are both guys.
Guys, I said Guys.